How forgiving are you?
In an article posted by the Huffington Post, Whitney Jones shared that 62% of Americans desire more forgiveness. However, in the same study, 60% believe that forgiveness is conditional on the offender apologizing and making changes.
On the contrary, Dr. Karen Swartz, Director of Mood Disorders at The Johns Hopkins Hospital, wrote, “Forgiveness is not just about saying the words. It is an active process in which you make a conscious decision to let go of negative feelings whether the person deserves it or not…” (Read Article)
Do you consider yourself a “practicing Christian”? The Barna Research Group surveyed 1,007 U.S. adults, 1,502 U.S. practicing Christian adults and 600 U.S. senior pastors of Protestant churches regarding forgiveness. Of those who consider themselves “practicing Christians” 76% said they had extended unconditional forgiveness to someone. However, only 55% feel someone has extended that same forgiveness to them. Barna found that one in four Christians has a person in their life “they just can’t forgive.”
So what do we do when faced with the choice to forgive someone? Is there a way for someone to truly find freedom in forgiveness?
In Matthew 18:21-22, Peter approaches Jesus and asks a very important question. It’s the same question we ask today about forgiving someone.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
Then Jesus shares a parable in Matthew 18:23-35 of an unforgiving servant to paint the picture of the freedom of forgiveness. Essentially Jesus says, we must do our part and allow God to do His part. Our role in forgivenss is to be willing to forgive. To say to someone, “I forgive you.” That is a huge step, I know. But if we do our part, God does His. Because of our willingness, He will do the supernatural miracle of replacing my hateful and bitter feelings with God’s love for that person. And that is where freedom is found.
In Matthew 18, we find at least four steps we must take to release grudges and find the freedom of forgivenesss.
STEP 1: Be sensitive (18:32-35). I must be sensitive to the conviction of the Holy Spirit and realize that I’m doing wrong by before the Lord by holding a grudge.
STEP 2: Be humble (18:23-28). I must receive Christ’s forgiveness myself and then renew my mind because of how much I have truly been forgiven by God. The first servant does not truly understand that he has been forgiven all of his debt. (v 28)
STEP 3: Be honest (18:15). When it is appropriate and safe, tell the person that they have hurt you. However, a person must keep in mind that sometimes this is not appropriate or safe. All of these steps must be done as the Holy Spirit leads not because we want to just get it off our chest.
STEP 4: Be gracious. I must do my part in forgiving this person and trust God to do His part. Forgiveness and trust are two completely different things. Forgiveness is the releasing of a debt. That feeling that someone has to pay for what they have or have not done. Trust takes a lifetime to build and can be lost in an instant. When trust is lost, it takes time to rebuild if it can be rebuilt at all.
So what do I do, if I am struggling to forgive somone or even God?
What if there is someone whom I have not completely forgiven?
First and foremost, receive the Lord’s forgiveness in your life.
And then pray!
Lord Jesus, because You have forgiven me, therefore, I forgive _____ for doing _____ to me, and I ask You now to replace my feelings of bitterness w Your love for that person. I pray your blessing on them.
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