“I feel alone.”

“No one understands.”

“I feel like I am the only one who feels this way.”

A recent study (read the study) has found that nearly half of all Americans feel lonely — with young people in particular experiencing the brunt on the pain.

Health insurer Cigna took a nationwide survey of 20,000 adults and found that 54% of respondents said they feel like no one actually knows them well, NPR reports. Additionally, 56% of people said the people they surround themselves around “are not necessarily with them,” and approximately 40% said they “lack companionship,” their “relationships aren’t meaningful,” and that they feel “isolated from others.

The research was based on the UCLA Loneliness Scale pioneered by the University of California, Los Angeles. Using measurements calculated by a mix of statements and a formula, researchers found that anyone with a score between 20 and 80 feel lonely. The higher the score, the more likely it is the person feels significant social isolation.

“Half of Americans view themselves as lonely,” David Cordani, chief executive of Cigna, said, according to NPR. “I can’t help but be surprised [by that].”  He added that social isolation can also have an affect on health. “There’s a blurred line between mental and physical health,” Cordani said. “Oftentimes, medical symptoms present themselves and they’re correlated with mental, lifestyle, behavioral issues like loneliness.”

Additionally, the survey found that younger American are hit harder by loneliness. The generation born between the mid-1990s and early 2000s —”Z”— is coming to age now and feels lonely the most, researchers found. Those respondents had an average loneliness score of 48.3, compared to the average score for all Americans, 44. Millennials, meanwhile, scored 45.3. But the Baby Boomers and Greatest Generation scored just below the American average at 42.4 and 38.6, respectively.

I am convinced the value of friendship is to not only celebrate life’s victories but more importantly to encourage one another in the difficult days.  There is a comfort that comes from knowing that others have the same or similar struggles.

I received a phone call this past week from young pastor whom I have known a long time. He has been struggling with some people in the small church he pastors who are trying to control things and it is a continual struggle for him.  He feels alone.

So how should I have responded to him?

I could have been counterfeit. “Oh wow, I have never experienced that. Let me pray for you.”

I could have moved to counseling mode. “Tell about how that makes you feel as a pastor.”

He needed me to be his friend.  “Listen, I completely understand. I shared some of my struggles in ministry with similar situations and people.  I didn’t offer him seven ways to be more effective as pastor with difficult people. We just shared life together over the phone. And you know what… I was encouraged. And he was encouraged. And our friendship was deepened.

Some reading this post might be saying, “I’m lonely!”  So what should we do in the lonely seasons?

Begin sharing life with people.

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” ~ C.S. Lewis

But this comes with a WARNING: Risk! It is risky to be vulnerable with someone.

It’s a risk to be vulnerable.  But when we take the risk and they respond with faithfulness, trust is deepened.  And deeper trust leads to greater risks with a friend.

The Redwood Forest in California is well-known in California.  Some of these trees are over 100ft tall.  They thrive in thick groves where their shallow root system intertwines.  This gives these trees tremendous strength against the forces of nature.

I am deeply grateful for the incredible friends that bless my life.  As my pastor friend shared, ministry can be lonely.  Monday I spent the day with one of my best friends.  As I have reflected on our day and his friendship, I am deeply grateful to the Lord for the gift of companionship He has given me through him and several other men in our church family.

What do you value in your friendships?